Race across Scotland (RAS) & “Limitations”

Since I started ultra running in 2016 I said I’d keep pushing the distance until I reached my limit. The Question I kept circling back to weeks after is, “Did I reach my limit?”.

It’s been >12 weeks since RAS. >12 weeks since I DNF’d. >12 weeks of thinking about it, daily. In the moment it was heart breaking but, in the weeks after it’s been enlightening.

Race across Scotland is advertised as a 215 mile point-to-point race involving one of the Great Scottish Trails: “The Southern Upland Way”. The race is by application only. It is not course marked. Pacers are not allowed. It’s an area I have never explored by foot. It involves rolling terrain, bog, wet weather and village halls. Honestly? It sounded like an absolute adventure and I was sold before I even submitted the application:

“Please accept it?” – “Accepted!” – “Mum & Dad, I’m coming to visit. Oh yah, & I need you to give up a few days, lose some sleep and follow me across Scotland. Please & thanks!”… 😉

I had 10 months to mentally prepare and 7 months to train. Following suit from previous years, I’d take Fall and early winter off and I’d start focusing, building and fine tuning from January onwards. The distance didn’t scare me but, the endeavor as a whole gave me the good kind of anxious feels. The distance was certainly one aspect but, the terrain, the no *pin flagging* every couple of km’s and the no pacers just added so much more anticipated “Type 2-3 fun”. I just couldn’t wait to get there and get started as this was going to be something I’d never experienced before.

Unlike usual, training wasn’t as linear as it had been previously. I rolled my ankle in Spring. I DNF’d a training race due to a very upset stomach in May. I suffered with low iron again & I had a chronic pain in my right shin (Only at rest which was better than moving haha). Oh, & last Fall I found out I have a bit of a wonky heart however, with my doc signing off on my goal, I had been able to push that aside and not let it take up too much space in my mind. Although physically I wasn’t 100%, mentally I was in a much better place than last year feeling really motivated, excited and determined as ever to succeed.

Of course life really likes to test and about 3 weeks prior to race day general life got intense. I had a bunch of lose ends to finish before starting a new role, I put in long overtime hours, I was wearing the Acting pants of my supervisor and picking up her workload, I was carrying out tasks for my new role I hadn’t even started yet, I was looking for a new house mate, oh and my relationship took a turn for the worst. My best friend picked me up to do my last long run 2 weeks out, I hadn’t slept, I had bags down to my feet & I was feeling so down in the dumps that the mental capacity of getting through the day seemed like a challenge let alone, running 215 miles. But, I put on my big girl pants, I packed my very oversized bag and I left Canmore with one focus to “Race across Scotland”.

Embracing the UK Mugginess before heading to Scotland

The Race:

It would have helped if I wrote this blog fresh off the race and not >12 weeks later but, I have needed time to process. Some details already seem a tad hazy but, here goes.

Leg 1-2-3
CP #1  = 13 miles
CP #2 = 22 miles
CP #3 = 45 miles

The Race started at 6 AM from Portpatrick a coastal town on the West Coast of Scotland. I had arrived in England on Monday AM and I had a few days to adjust to the mugginess of the UK. The weather was warm & beautiful but, a muggy warm & beautiful (us Brit’s call it “Sticky”) right up till race day when of course it was chucking down rain & windy before we even got going. I aimed to go to bed for 9PM the night prior but, I didn’t get much sleep. I continually checked the clock every hour right up until my alarm went off around 4:30 AM – enough time to eat brekky, drink a coffee, go to the washroom and get myself to the start line.

Bib collection done, Bib #7

One last run the night prior the big run.

Portpatrick harbor – the calm before the storm – literally

The bag pipes signaled the start of the race and off we went in the rain. The start climbs out of the harbor following rolling coastal hills until we turn left and inland making our way East towards Cocksburnpath. We had been told that the race was actually 220 miles due to a forestry reroute but, someone in passing mentioned that it was likely going to be longer because “All of the GB ultras are never truly the distance advertised”. Whatever. It was going to be a long run anyway so what’s a few extra miles?!!

I didn’t really have a specific strategy other then to keep moving with purpose, to eat & to drink. My mantra throughout the race = “Food is fuel & fuel is movement”. I said that multiple times over the course of the next 68 hours.

I started off at a comfortable pace and found myself running with Nikki (Who ended up winning for the Ladies!). We were chatting on and off. Nikki dropped back after a little while and in hindsight I probably should have too as I had a grouchy hip flexor from the 5-7min km’s I found myself running for the first 100km. Having something ache around 30km’s when it’s a long distance ahead did give me a little anxiety but, I tried to not focus on any discomfort (Especially that early on) and of course, it went away.

Sharing miles with Nikki

When I am competing in events I try not to look at my watch too much in terms of pace/speed/HR. I was definitely looking at my watch to ensure I was on course (Thanks to the Coros Vertix II) but not necessarily to keep track of running stats.

The first aid station came and went (No crew support at this one, or the next). I was told I was 2nd Female (Something I didn’t really want to hear if I am being totally honest). I wanted to complete my first 200 miler and not race it. I do have a competitive side and an ego at times but, I wanted to indulge in the experience of seeing this fabulous trail and not get caught up with “How close am I to first?”, “How far behind is 3rd?”, so I left that Aid Station just doing what I came to do… MOVE. I left it with a couple of guys, one who was in the Army. Sorry if I am letting my race ego talk here but, I soon dropped him and that definitely felt good ahaha 😉 So far, I hadn’t come across much bog, I mean there was definitely some wet sections but, I hadn’t experienced any deep “I may have just lost a shoe” moments, yet…

Running with the lads

I ate my words. Right before the 2nd Aid Station I experienced running through endless bog and as I came bounding downhill passing Carol (Leading 1st female) she seemed quite surprised in a sort of “Oh holy heck what have you got yourself into?” vibe that I had chosen my first race in Scotland to be “RAS” and I had never ran Bog. Surely it can’t be that bad I thought as I continued onwards.

Interlude – most of the races that I have done in the past have been loops or, different loops coming back to a staging area. It feels really empowering to be on a linear journey from point A to point B. I can’t explain it but, you’re just marching on to the beat of your own drum imagining your little tracker moving further along the width of a country. It’s a pretty neat feeling!

I remembered feeling thirsty on Leg 3 heading towards CP 3 where my crew would be. I had told my crew to only meet me at the Checkpoints but, it was permitted that crew could pull up on the side of the road to crew runners if needed. Carol & another guy she was running with caught back up to me & the guys crew was at a road side pull out. He kindly offered his crews assistance to provide me with a water top up and some fruit juice. Just what I needed. No matter the country the ultra running fam and camaradarie is still wonderful and I knew I’d be in good hands for the remainder of this journey. Onwards.

Eventually I came into CP3 (Glentrool Village Hall) and was greeted to my crew for the first time since starting this race. My mum, dad and both of their partners (2 vans in total) spoiled me along my journey. They had everything laid out for me and I indulged in a change of socks, same shoes, a pot noodle, some other snacks and some coffee. It felt great to see them. I had covered 73 km’s at this point (It was roughly 3:20PM). Off I went. The next time I would see them would be at St Johns Town of Dalry sometime either before nightfall or, during the night. I had been moving for 9.5 hours and I felt fresh and strong still. I did have a lil pain on top of my left foot but, like the hip flexor pain earlier that day that was soon to be forgotten about.

Finally seeing my crew for the first time – woooop!

Pot noodles are the best!

Leg 4-5

CP 4 = 67 miles
CP 5 = 94 miles

Leg 4 was one of my favorite legs. It was very runnable on a double track gravel road for the most part. There was a lot of greenery, lushness, waterfalls, it was stunning! I spent a lot of time alone only seeing a couple of runners (Carol & the guy she was running with) as we came into the next CP at St. Johns Town of Dalry. It was around 8:30PM. I was still feeling great. I was eating during the legs and at this check point I scoffed back another pot noodle, snacks, more coffee etc. I wanted to push on through the night and at the next checkpoint sleep.

Running through Leg 4 feeling fantastic

The 1st night was interesting. It took me a long time to adjust to the darkness of the fields, bogs and get used to navigation. I honestly sucked at this at first and my anxiety arose. Luckily there was a guy pretty close by who kept me focused and on the right “path” but, I was moving quicker so he would tell me to keep going and I’ll soon figure it out. I kind of had to and it started to get easier as the night went on. The rain was back. So was the fog. It was cold. There was a lot of mandatory gear to carry for the race and I was under the impression I wouldn’t be touching most of it. As it got colder and wetter I had every layer on (& could have done with more). When you’re out racing that distance the last thing you want to do is to get rid of calories through shivering or being cold. I wanted to not waste a single ounce of energy so staying warm was on the forefront of my mind through that first night and the remainder of the race.

Half way through the night I came across a Scottish guy who was having a rough ride. He kept saying how he was done and how terrible the conditions were. Yes, it was raining, cold, wet and boggy but, isn’t this what we all signed up to? It’s not meant to be easy. It’s not meant to be dry. It’s Scotland! The race and the conditions so far were exactly what I envisioned. I kept talking this guy off the edge of giving up there and then (Although he was on the phone to his partner multiple times saying how done he was). I ended up in front pacing us up through a climb and sure enough I lost the trail (Oooppppsthie). We were zig-zagging through a moor and then we ended up underneath a stone archway. I had seen this archway in photographs and I was so sad that here I was experiencing it “lost” & in darkness. We kept trying to find the trail. Luckily Carol & said guy (So sorry I don’t remember your name) appeared. GREAT! headlamps to follow. We were back on course. We stayed together for a while in a chain of 4 until Carol & guy were pushing the pace, I was falling off and the Scot’s guy was way off of the train. We all spaced out. I was feeling pretty tired and starting to drift across trail. It was too early to be this tired but, the cold was definitely zapping the energy. I had heard Carol say to guy that once you see the lights of the next town Sanquair, it will seem so close yet it is quite far away so, I kept that in my mind as to not feel too optimistic once I saw the town lights.

The bog was relentless, the night kept going. Hot spots on my feet were forming. I did not want this race to be over due to poor foot management so, I made a point of sitting down there & then (in a bog) to tend to my feet. It was raining so hard and I was laughing out loud at how ridiculous this was. I kept thinking about why people do call it quits in these moments because the whole concept of it is so ridiculous and yet here I was, trying to stick band aids to hot spots absolutely drenched through (On that note thank goodness for *Blistwool*) but the thoughts of quitting were never an option. Discomfort is always temporary. Discomfort will always pass.

Eventually the town came into sight and although I knew I wasn’t there yet, it was a sight to keep my eyes on and to keep focused towards the goal of that checkpoint – warm clothes & sleep. I couldn’t wait to get there. As I was about 2km out, the sun rose and I was feeling that new dawn feel although, I was still very set on having my first nap.

Leg 6/7/8/9

CP 6 = 102 miles
CP 7 = 122 miles
CP 8 = 139 miles
CP 9 = 157 miles

90 min sleep done, a new pair of shoes, fueled up and it’s go time. I was told that 2 ladies were in front – Carol & Nikki and I was now in 3rd but “they’re not that far ahead”. I guess this is when I knew I was trying to race because the thought of them not being that far ahead meant I left for that leg with a spring in my step. The next section involved climbs and lots of them, my favorite! I was moving & grooving up those hills and sure enough I eventually came by Carol and a new guy she was running with Henry (I got to know Henry’s crew throughout the race so it was great seeing him looking so strong). We spent some time chatting for a little while and sharing some km’s together. The next section after the climbs involved a beautiful downhill through an old mining town (Wanlockhead). This downhill was so appealing and in my eyes it was meant to be ran so I wished them the best and carried on, regaining my 2nd Female position. I arrived at the next CP but, my crew were nowhere to be seen. I knew I was moving but, I didn’t think I’d get there and they wouldn’t be around. I walked into the Villagehall to see Nikki, she looked great and I scoffed down some juice & ate a couple of slices of pizza. No sticking around though it was time to go. As I was leaving I could see the vans of my parents pulling up. I headed over to say “Hi & Bye”. I didn’t pick up anymore snacks as I didn’t eat a lot (if anything) on that last leg but, I wasn’t too concerned as I had just eaten a few slices of pizza at the CP and I was still feeling great!

The next day was one of my favorite’s (Terrain wise – the endless fields of Scottish Heather were stunning!) and most memorable, as I did start to experience knee pain, first in my right, then my left, then my right, then my left, then both, WOWZA. No one prepares you for pain you’ve never experienced before and of course, I don’t know how to tape knees LOL. I was carrying strips of K-Tape (incase I had any ankle rolls) so I made sure I did my own knee tape job to try to relieve some of the pain. I don’t know if it helped or, not but it was like sticking a band aid on and mentally I believed it to be helping. Also, this pain was something I had felt for the past couple of years but usually during Fall when my body is telling me I have ran too many km’s & it’s time to chill the F out. It wasn’t meant to be happening during my goal race!!

Running through the fields of Heather

The start of a beautiful stretch of downhill into Wanlockhead

At 12:30PM I crossed the Half Way point at 107 miles and I was still smiling. That was also a PB for the distance covered. Awe yeah!

107 miles, feeling fantastic

During that 2nd day I caught up to Nikki & we shared on and off miles together. The terrain was beautiful and there were so many wildflowers out. I was surprised to see so much Fireweed, a common Wildflower in the Canadian Rockies. I complained a lot about my knees because I felt they were holding me back from moving as efficiently and effectively as I am used to. We ran into the next CP together where we were treated amazingly by the GB ultra team; drinking pots of tea, beans on toast, I think Nikki ate some chilli? and we had our batteries in our trackers replaced. I even got an ice pack for my knee (Sweet relief!). Everything was moving along. I was eating, I didn’t feel unwell and I was over 200km’s in. This was new territory for me (Not necessarily distance wise as I’d covered this last year but, for how amazing I felt). I am actually going to get this done…

Beautiful rolling terrain full of wild flowers

Just endless greenery everywhere.

More wildflowers & to my surprise Fireweed.

Along the trail there are multiple hidden boxes with lucky coins “treasure” within. I wasn’t actively looking but, I always poked my head into the boxes (most where empty) I was able to come across one which had one coin left in <3

I left this CP ahead of Nikki as she went to meet up with her crew of whom I saw first and offered me a cooling spray for my knees – more amazing crew love that I truly appreciated. The rain, dreariness and mugginess appeared again. There was one section of trail that I had seen on photographs and I thought I may have already ran through this section last night in the dark but, to my pleasant surprise I was just about to approach it and catch it before the 2nd night fell. Moffat/Roundstonefoot is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen and if I was just a couple of hours slower I would have totally missed this and ran through it in the dark. My knees were still really bugging me so I sent my parents a txt to see if they could meet me on a stretch of road before the next CP so I could stuff ice packs into my socks & strap them to my knees (Actually though). When I reached the road I guess I wanted to seem them so badly because I kept seeing their vans off in the distance but, when I got closer there were no vans. Maybe this should have been a sign of dehydration or, lack of sleep but, either way I did not see my crew until I got to the next CP in dark at what must have been 11PM/midnight. They also never received my txt due to the lack of cell service in the area. Throughout this leg. I felt really cold and the anxiety of burning additional calories set in so I made sure I stopped to layer up. My heart palpitated a couple of times but, I drank some more water and didn’t focus on this, there was no time for that. I wanted more sleep and decided I would get my head down for 75 minutes. My coach has told me no less than 90 for each nap but, I changed this as I went and decided 75 would be enough. After setting my alarm and getting my dad to wake me up, it was harder to want to get going but this race wasn’t going to wait for me and I leapt up, chugged some coffee and off I went. Whilst I was asleep Nikki passed and led first female again, continuing to lead first right up to the Finish – atta girl.

Lots of Heather. How neat is this cut block.

Moffat – what a beauty!

As I was leaving this CP, I backtracked down a road to a turn off towards more hills. Carol was walking in and was planning to take a good chunk of time to eat / sleep too so, I wasn’t too concerned about holding my 2nd position. I think she even said something along the lines of “You & Nikki can battle it out”. The rest of the night I don’t recall much detail. I think I spent it completely alone and obviously navigation was now somewhat dialed since I made it to the light of the next day, still on route. As dawn broke I needed a nap so I sat myself in a bog, propped up by a wooden Southern Upland Way post and set my phone alarm for 10 minutes. I woke up after 8 mins feeling so alert! A guy who I came to know as Kristian (Who came 4th!) ran up behind me who had said he’d been waiting to catch me LOL. It was nice sharing a couple of km’s but, I was also just SO tired that conversation was the last thing I wanted. I took a video of myself here to remind myself of how much of a tired state I was in. When I replay it I don’t even recognize myself.

However, as these races tend to go, I got another wind right before the next CP and as I rolled into it around 8;15AM, I felt great again. It was time for a little TLC from my mum (Neck rub) whilst smashing down some Great British tinned sausage & beans on toast – the staple dish of this race. I was still eating. I was still getting calories in. I still did NOT feel sick. I am going to do this. Any doubts that I may have had where no longer. I was into my 3rd day and I truly felt a-okay.

Neck rub time & the staple dish of Beans & Sausage on toast

Leaving the checkpoint feeling stoked.

Leaving this CP I headed into a solid long climb and I still felt strong enough to tackle the forthcoming climbs with effort. I spent some time with a guy I’d seen the previous day who strained his calf so I was super happy to see him still going. We shared some miles & spoke about his time spent in Canada. This leg seemed to fly by. I felt really strong cruising the ups and even stronger cruising the downs. I did manage to come off course though about 3KM from the next CP. I don’t know how but, I got to a 4 way intersection with a wooden sign clearly stating the way and all of a sudden I had a feeling I was wrong so I backtracked and took every possible route before realizing about 15 mins later I had actually been on the right track all along (I can only put that down to tiredness).

The next CP I was still in good spirits. I was craving bread & cheese. I really wanted Cheese on Toast but this CP didn’t have the means to supply it. Of course one of the volunteers casually had a toasty press machine and was able to whip me one up though – what a dream team. I got a good talking to from Ady at this stage (One of the race volunteers) telling me whatever I do to NOT take Ibuprofen. Apparently this is a banned substance from the race. Which I do recall reading but, I didn’t realize the Brits / Scots are very against it. Luckily I had only taken 2 so it wasn’t as if a I OD’d but, a banned substance is a banned substance so, it’s a good job I did DNF after all as I would have felt compelled to own up to my 1-2 tablets inhaled. Paracetamol though wasn’t banned so I made sure to treat my knee pain with this moving forward being cautious that I was in a race, my body had gone through a lot and taking drugs (of any kind) is likely not the best course of action this far in.

Ultra running: a series of problem solving moments

I left the aid station in good marching spirits ready to pick up the pace once I had settled back into a rhythm. Not too far away from the last CP I had to navigate myself through a field full of cows and their calves. I remember reading that we shouldn’t get in the way of cows especially with their young so I literally took the circumference of a field hoping they would have moved on by the time I got to where the style was. They hadn’t moved. I took it upon myself to climb over a stone fence. I am not sure if any of you have been to Scotland before but stone fences are not secured and stuck together with cement, it is literally stones piled on top of one another. I noticed a line beneath the fence which indicated a livestock electric fence (Made sense for how many cows were around). I touched the fence and received no shock – great! so I started to make my way over. I placed my running poles strategically between the stone fence and the wire and started to climb. My foot got stuck and I fell bringing my poles and a decent electric shock with me that jolted me to the ground. I had to spend a few moments re-assessing how I felt, I even did a check through of my body to make sure I had no enter/exit wounds from the electricity LOL. I was nervous to pick up my poles but, I got to it. Luckily they were not “High voltage’d up” but they were vibrating. First time for everything!

The next section of trail did have me navigating myself through a larger town then what I had seen so far. I even came into some good signal and called my best friend to provide an update of how I was feeling. I was having difficulty finding the trail here as I was running next to an active train line (Apparently my GPS tracker picked up on a train passing by as I was moving at a verrrrrrrrrrry fast speed at one point). I kept reinstating how fantastic I felt & that there would be no reason why I would not be finishing this race (Note to self, even if you’re on Day 3 with not that far to go – anyyyyythinggg can happen so, chalk it down next time! ahaha).

Finally a sign for the Southern Upland Way after feeling like I was totally lost for a solid 10 mins

A castle/bridge how neat is that!

Around 4PM I was needing another dirt nap. I laid down in the grassy field, set an alarm and fell asleep until my alarm woke me. I felt worse off for it and I was freezing so I got up and started moving. 10 minutes later I was greeted to 2 of the guys I had spent time with chatting at race package pick up and who I had started out with at the start line. They were both supporting their friend Henry who was still moving & grooving (I’d spent time with him yesterday morning when I was running with him & Carol). They provided me with some lemonade which was delightful and they blasted “Oh Canada” from their Van. It was a patriotic moment and it felt amazing to be representing Canada in Scotland as a British-Canadian. *Pinch Me*.

This gave me a boost and onwards I went. I think I asked them how far I had to go and they said “Oh a long way yet”. This was at 4:50PM and I arrived at the next CP at 7PM ish so yah, I had a few hours to go. I was definitely fading mentally because when I got close to leaving the trail to find the next Checkpoint I couldn’t make sense of what direction I had to go. Every time I took a street my GPS would beep at me. I was wasting time. I was getting agitated and it showed when I finally got myself on the right path to that CP. I rolled in and my crew could tell I was grumpy. I also wanted to sleep. I was SO tired so I allowed myself some eating time (I ate a couple of slices of pizza) & then I headed into the van for a 60 min nap (They were getting shorter).  When I woke I managed to get some sausage-beans on toast down before I set off for the next section. I had 2 legs left before the Finish. I truly visualized myself there.

Leg 10/11

CP 11 = 185 miles
CP 12 = 198 miles

I left this CP still tired and I was moving slowly. I’d started to feel slightly nauseous but, I think it was mainly due to eating too much and not too less. A guy named Paul came up and spent some time with me walking. It was nice to pick up the pace from a stroll to a walk and we spent some time chatting about how his race was going and his young family. He looked very fresh and so amped up. I was layered up as I was freezing leaving the CP but moving had allowed me to get toasty again. Just as the sun settled I started to delayer and then I made my way up a climb. As I got to the top it was dark enough to get a headlight out. I was convinced I had left the last CP with Nichole’s light waist belt. I was very concerned I no longer had it and as I put a headlamp on (One of which she had lent me) it was piping hot. I did have a spare but I was very anxious I was going to run out of light during my 3rd night and I couldn’t fathom losing her light so I started to backtrack. I didn’t want to lose time or placement and I could see 2 lights approaching me up the trail “You’re going the wrong way” – “Yes. I know. Did you see a headlamp?” – “Sorry No!” – I picked up the pace. Once I got back to the spot where I had delayed there was no headlight but, I did have a lightbulb moment realizing I hadn’t even left the checkpoint with it. Tiredness had truly kicked in. Damn. I started picking up the pace running up the hill. I was so focused on getting ahead of the 2 guys who had passed me earlier I wasn’t concerned about saving energy. I just wanted to be back to where I was. What a silly mistake wasting time, km’s & precious energy. I was definitely moving because it wasn’t long before I over took them again. Moving with purpose up, up and up. I kept gaining elevation and the night time weather was back. Cold. Wind. Rain. Fog… and so many stone walls (Which were not actually there) I was for sure on the Hallucy-train. I kept sipping water and eating as I knew this was a bad sign but, I also knew I had one CP to go and then it was the home stretch to the end. Just keep moving forward “Food = fuel & fuel = movement”.

Beautiful Sunset before heading into Night 3

The Coros Vertix II keeping me on track (for the most part!)

Look at this little cutey on Night 3.

As I was coming down the hills climbed I found myself jumping a fence into someone’s back garden, my watch was beeping at me that I was off course by 60m but, my brain couldn’t figure out what way I had to go (Left, right or straight!). The 2 guys I had played tag team with soon approached and I asked them if I could follow their steps to maintain focus. They each ran beside me and we all kind of shared our suffering. I truly wasn’t even thinking about physical pain, in fact I am pretty sure my knees were a-okay at this point (despite running with an ice pack tied to both of them). I just couldn’t hack the tiredness. Holy heck was I tired. A woman figure appeared and I thought we’d all lost it.  Apparently though we were at that final CP (Which was just to the left of us) YAY SLEEEEEEEEP!

The CP was lifeless. It was dark and around 2AM. We were pretty far ahead in terms of the whole race (Within the top 10). My crew were fast asleep in their vans. I banged on the window and headed indoors to get warmed up. I was chatting with the volunteers inside but, I definitely felt nauseous and woozy. I was knocking back sweet tea whilst waiting for a cooked breakfast. When the cooked breakfast was put in front of me, it was the last thing I wanted but, I kind of felt rude saying I no longer wanted it so I took it outside to the van and said I’d sleep first before eating. I was so tired that I didn’t change out of my wet clothes. I slept fantastically though and woke up ready to keep tackling the last stage. I was a little nauseous still and all I had an appetite for was fruit. Someone managed to find some fruit for me (Thanks Inga! One of Henry’s crew) and I scoffed it down. My dad was working on my feet, tending to hot spots and re-applying Band-Aids / Blistwool on my toes when all of a sudden a wave of nauseous followed by a projectile vomit surfaced. I kept thinking of my friend Bre and how she had been sick at a race and that being sick did not mean the race was over but, seeing that many calories sprawled out over the floor was an uneasy feeling. It was around 330 AM and I still had so much time so I decided to wait it out a little longer and get some more calories that I had just lost into me. I felt so much better for being sick and didn’t think it was going to get worse. Inga brought me over some salted crackers & poppadom’s which I slowly ate by rinsing down with water / Lucozade (the UK’s equivalent of Gatorade). The time came for me to get up and get moving and the moment I stood, the blood left my head. I passed out whilst vomiting and choked a little on my sickness. My dad told me how I kind of went silent & stopped breathing before he cleared my airway, which I am not going to lie is kind of terrifying to hear and I feel terrible for my parents to have witnessed and dealt with that. I can only imagine my mum losing it. First Aid was called. They were a while out. Luckily my dad is a First Aider & teaches advanced First Aid so I knew I was in capable hands. On and off sickness. On and off fainting. I knew my race was over but, I still had about 3 hours on 3rd place Female and a whole 24 hours before this event was over with only 20 miles to go. I could totally wait this out and feel better. I didn’t though and my symptoms got worse including a high temperature and multiple vomit/fainting mixed in with what appeared to be “fitting episodes”. I wasn’t actually fitting it was just my fainting that made it look that way. The race volunteer and the medic called it quits and, I agreed. The medic escorted me in my dads van to meet the paramedic who was waiting in the next town to take me to hospital (Urgh!).

I had reached what appeared to be a limit & it would have been irresponsible and unsafe of me to continue plus, I couldn’t even sit straight without passing out. There was no way I physically could have kept going although mentally it wasn’t easy to give it up.

Vomit #1

Still smiling 😀

At 06:30AM ish I handed in my tracker. I didn’t cry. I didn’t get upset. I was heart broken and frustrated because I felt like this came on very quickly and out of nowhere (It’s not like I had a build up of nausea hours earlier). But, I had to just accept that it is what it is and today was not my day. Looking back and piecing it together I don’t actually believe I had reached a limit instead, I think circumstances didn’t allow me to accomplish this goal. I was very tired and in hindsight there’s always more to be done; more hydration, more nutrition, more sleep but, the fact I was feeling so great for so long, and I had enthusiasm to keep going before my insides gave up, I genuinely think it just wasn’t meant to be in 2023.  On paper I DNF’d at 198 miles but, from looking at those who finished they had clocked in close to 370km’s (229 miles) and when I finally hit the stop button on my watch, I had recorded 340km (211 miles) with 30ish km to go.

The path forward towards the Finish of Cocksburnspath that I never got to take.

Weeks have passed & a lot of life changes have taken place (All for the better). I have had a lot of time to think & a lot of time to reflect and I truly can’t fathom the idea of “Reaching my limit”. For whatever reasons, I didn’t make it across the RAS finish line that day but it is not because I found a “Limit”. This word to me is a cover up. It stems from a place of restriction and I can’t believe for all of these years it’s been one of my why’s for running; “I am going to keep training & racing until I find my limit”. When we place a limit on something it gives that something an end. It means we can’t go any further and we can’t achieve anymore. We’re restricting ourselves. Yet here I am truly believing that I haven’t even scratched the surface with what is possible. As I mentioned before, getting to a finish line is definitely circumstantial, so many things have to align but limits? No, that’s silly talk! There is no ending on my running journey, not yet anyway!

Not well.

Even more unwell but, still smiling 😉

How the heck do I get that out?

So here I am >12 weeks out. The toenails fell off, the blisters healed, the 19 pounds lost were regained (If any one wants to see the gaunt less rib pictures reach out lol) and I haven’t made any irrational decisions nor, have I signed up to any future races. In fact, I am extremely content with where I am at right now. Younger Faye would already signed up to RAS 2024 but, I have truly taken a step back to evaluate “My Why” and to think deep about whether I truly feel the need to return when there are so many other races and adventures out there. Afterall, I went to Scotland for an adventure and I had just that! I went to see the route & I got to see 95% of it. Is the last 5% worth it? & if so, why?

The thing is, I am a full circle kind of gal and I won’t settle internally if I don’t complete something fully. As I’ve sat on these thoughts for a few months now it hasn’t just become a “I’d like to go back” it’s become a “I need to go back”. There’s always the possibility of not even making it 50% of the way through the next time around like I said, races are circumstantial but, I want to break the barrier of any mental negativity that I have felt towards saying the saying of “I reached my limit”.

It was always my decision to take a year off training in 2024. At first it was to concentrate more on other areas of my life that I was made to believe needed attention because I ran (I could write a whole other blog on my thoughts about that!!) but, since I came from Scotland and I hung up my training/racing shoes, I am actually really content with the idea of continuing this non training journey for the interim. When I do sign up in 2025, I know I will be untrained but, I also know I will have created a solid aerobic base especially with a year of “Choose my own Adventures” under my belt. I’ll be ready as ever to give it another 100% effort & through it all, I will be my own biggest supporter with a clear mindset. Underneath my surface there’s a force; a force that cannot be paired with a limitation, especially one that I have placed on myself.

I am still curious as ever for this distance and I am still as motivated as hell to complete this race, because after months of reflection, I no longer believe in limitations. I am more than capable to not just get to that finish line but, to race myself across to it. I already cannot wait for 2025.

Care package from the GB Ultra Team – so lovely!

Thank you so much for all of the love & support I felt prior, during & after this event:

-For my crew who had never seen an ultra before let alone crewed for one & jumped into it will full steam. I can’t wait to have you all back in 2025 for round 2.
-The additional crew who supported me along the way (Inga & co and all the other wonderful people I met).
-For the motivational videos from friends back home that I actually didn’t end up watching until after the race because I felt so good during! I have them for next time 😉
-Every runner I shared a mile or 2 with and every runner who simply signed up to the start line & of course made it to the finish line, we’re a crazy breed!
-My coach, Jen Segger – I didn’t get that belt buckle but, I did run the furthest and strongest that I have ever ran in what I believe to be a fantastic time. I can’t wait to work with you again on getting this goal checked off of my list.
-For my shoe & clothing sponsor; Brooks Canada (I swapped out my shoes twice during this event – Starting off in the Cascadia’s & transitioning to the Caldera’s once my feet got a little swollen). There’s no one else I’d rather represent from head to foot. What a fun awesome brand!!
-For my watch sponsor COROS for having a device with the strongest battery life that kept me on track. My sense of navigation is terrible but, I managed to make it 95% across Scotland with very little directional challenges, thank you!
-The whole team at GB Ultra’s for putting on such a well supported race and for providing additional support through my sickness and post race, even when I was back at my family home!
-My physio Tom Wong and my massage therapist Michelle McLaren – Body wasn’t & isn’t broken (Although it sure felt like my knees were no longer a part of my body on Day 3 LOL).
-Blistwool – I never needed to end my race because my feet were in poor shape unlike so many others.
-XACT Nutrition for keep me super fueled up across the distance.

2025 this gal is coming for you!